Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
