I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
