you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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