He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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