just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
