u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
