Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
