I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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