did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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