hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
