Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
