She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
