So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
