I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
