All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
