Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
