I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
