Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
