That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
