My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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