I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
