I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
