I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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