He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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