i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
