I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
