If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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