The maid of honor just puked.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
