there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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