Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
MIDGETS
????
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
