Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
