just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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