Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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