Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
