Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
