Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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