we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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