I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
