I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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