toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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