You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
