Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
