She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
