if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
