I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
