I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
