Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
