I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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