I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
