he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
