ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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