I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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