hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
