I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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