bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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