I have demons in me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
