your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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