we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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