God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
