everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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