the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
