Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lo siento on account of my penis...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
