JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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