girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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