i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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