My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
