We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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