you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
