Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
