This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
