I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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