Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
