I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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