From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize