how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
