i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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