Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
