He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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