i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
