pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
