i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Still dying that you shit outside
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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