Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
