Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
