I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
