Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
