Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
not ubering you a puppy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
