you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
