Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
