Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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