She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
