he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was CRYING into my vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
