if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
